Rambling 23. Hawkshead 3 Windermere 4

Ramblings: about North-West England

Ramblings is a set of articles about North-West England, of unknown authorship and indeterminate date, believed to have been written for amusement on rainy days, which are not unknown in North-West England.

23. Hawkshead 3 Windermere 4

      The Hawks were desperately unlucky to lose an action-packed seven-goal thriller at the rain-soaked Gillie Ground, after the man in black failed to spot a blatant infringement in the dying seconds by the Wanderers’ custodian. Three times the brave Hawks had fought back to parity with the table-toppers, only to succumb to a late own goal.
      Manager Sam Hopkins said “I’m proud of all the lads. I couldn’t ask for any more. They worked their socks off. We’ll take the positives and move on to the next match”.
      The game kicked off with the rain and wind blasting down Langdale ...

      Sorry to interrupt your flow, but doesn’t this belong on the sports pages?

      What of it? I’ve infiltrated all the other sections of this paper before. I’ve written reports on weddings, funerals, concerts and fights outside the Harassed Herdwick; I’ve contributed recipes, horoscopes, letters to the editor, advertisements and weather reports. Our readers, deficient in gorm, cannot tell the difference. Or perhaps they find that my efforts provide more entertainment for their fifty pence than the real thing.

      Yes, but we don’t want to waste your unique talents on football reports. Anybody can write that stuff.

      This is not a football report. I am making an attempt on the world record for clichés, currently held by Barry Bollinger of the Daily Mirror, who recorded 27.3 clichés per 100 words on the Germany 1 England 5 game. I have a theory that clichés are better for more mundane games, and you can’t get more mundane than Hawkshead versus Windermere.

      I see. Let us pray proceed.

      A bright opening from the Hawks forced the promotion favourites onto the back foot, before a breakaway goal on the half-hour silenced the Hawks’ faithful supporters. The Hawks responded immediately when Nobby Drummond nodded home unmarked, with the Wanderers defence appealing vainly for off-side ...

Photo:
      Hawkshead Athletic football team.

Comments:
    •   Get a grip! That's not a football team. The football team that you showed in Rambling 12 probably belongs here. And this photo is probably the staff of Ravenglass railway station that belongs there.
    •   I'm an expert on the railway stations of Cumbria and I'd say that looks more like Ulverston than Ravenglass.
    •   Wherever it is, they sure had plenty of staff in those days.
    •   So, was the cliché record broken or not?

The two following items:
     25.   One Fell Swoop
     24.   The Duke of Westminster’s A to Z
The two preceding items:
     22.   Nun the Wiser
     21.   Misadventures on the Fells: Helvellyn
A list of all items so far:
             Ramblings

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Top photo: Rainbow over Kisdon in Swaledale; Bottom photo: Ullswater