Ramblings
Saunterings
Ramblings: about North-West England
Ramblings is a set of articles about North-West England, of unknown authorship and
indeterminate date, believed to have been written for amusement on rainy days,
which are not unknown in North-West England.
20. The Tale of Squire Ruskin
Little Johnnie Ruskin was always little when he was little. But he
had big ideas. When his parents brought him to the Lake District for a
holiday at the age of eleven he didn’t just say thank you: he wrote a
poem of over two thousand lines to do so.
His father had big ideas for little Johnnie too. More importantly,
he also had a lot of money, which he had earned by selling alcohol.
He sent little Johnnie to the best universities, although Johnnie
didn’t feel the need to do much studying there.
As he grew bigger, little Johnnie didn’t know what to do, he
was so good at everything. But his father was rich enough that he
didn’t really need to do anything anyway.
So he went on a few tours. He met lots of famous people, who
all said “Who are you?”. When he got back he resolved to become
famous too.
He liked to paint, but his paintings weren’t particularly good.
He liked to write, but to begin with he was too shy to put his own
name on what he had written.
He liked little girls, but they
didn’t like him. But most of all
he liked to tell other people what
to like.
He began by telling people
what buildings they should like.
And then what paintings they
should like. He said that the old
masters such as Michelangelo
were too old: youngsters like Joe
Turner were much better. Joe’s
paintings were so vague that
ordinary people couldn’t see
that they were good.
As he became famous, he
married Miss Effie. But they
were never close, and they became even less close when she ran off
with one of his friends.
This upset him. He began to tell people what paintings they
should not like. But some painters didn’t like it when he told people
not to like their paintings. Jimmy Whistler, a butterfly artist from
over the pond, even took him to court. So he gave up art. Instead,
he began to tell people how to live.
This was much more difficult. After all, he hardly knew how to
live himself. He liked to spend all day looking at lichens. So he said
that they shouldn’t make poor people work in dirty factories: they
should be able to look at lichens all day too. Unfortunately, poor
people didn’t really want to look at lichens much: they preferred to
drink alcohol, like his father sold.
He wrote lots of letters, which he called Fors Clavigera, to the
poor people. We, who have studied Greek, know exactly what he
meant. But the poor people threw the letters in the bin.
Johnnie became even more fed up. So, to cheer himself up, he
bought a nice, big house overlooking a lake. He was a bit lonely but
he liked to look out of his windows at a beautiful scene not spoiled
by any of those poor people that he tried to help.
People asked who lived in the big house on the hill. They were
told “The squire, Ruskin”. Some people wondered what rusking
involved.
He made up a word ‘illth’ to mean ill-being, the
opposite of well-being, and he began to suffer more and more from it. Eventually he
died, as even good people like Squire Ruskin must do.
But his ideas, whatever they were, live on. They have
influenced many important people, including Leo Tolstoy, Marcel
Proust, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and John Prescott.
Photos:
The view from Squire Ruskin's house.
Squire Ruskin, his valet and his dog.
Comments:
• According to Dr Reginald Hollis, Director of the
Ruskin Research Institute at the
University of Cumbria, who has carried out a detailed analysis,
this tale is riddled with accuracies. Young Ruskin
did write a very long poem; his father did sell alcohol; Ruskin
did invent ‘illth’; John Prescott did study at Ruskin College; and so on.
However, it “is wholly lacking in the respect due to an intellectual giant
who has a world-class research institute devoted to his study. In
comparison, this author is a pygmy - no disrespect to pygmies, who I
am sure are all fine, brave and wise people”.
• You are a little confused about the ‘butterfly artist’.
The American-born artist
James Whistler (1834-1903) used a stylised butterfly as a
signature for his paintings. Of no account today, Whistler was a
respected painter in the 19th century. His case against Ruskin was
a cause célèbre in 1877. Whistler won the case but was awarded
only a farthing (0.1p) in damages.
• When you say 'his dog' I assume you mean Ruskin's dog, not the valet's dog.
The dog is closer to Ruskin in the photograph.
Ramblings
Saunterings
© John Self, Drakkar Press, 2024-
Top photo: Rainbow over Kisdon in Swaledale;
Bottom photo: Ullswater