Ramblings
Saunterings
Ramblings: about North-West England
Ramblings is a set of articles about North-West England, of unknown authorship and
indeterminate date, believed to have been written for amusement on rainy days,
which are not unknown in North-West England.
38. Farrago in Court
From the Cumbria Magistrates’ Court
Mr Mucklethwaite (magistrate):
Mr Frederico Farrago, you have been charged under by-law
843(a) of the Countryside and Rights of Way Act, sub-section
54.2, of straying from the concrete path of the Calle Alto. What
do you have to say in your defence?
Señor Farrago:
Estoy diciendo nada.
Mr Mucklethwaite:
What? Mr Sneezeweed, what did he say?
Mr Sneezeweed (counsel for the accused):
I’m saying nothing.
Mr Mucklethwaite:
What? You’re here to speak for the accused, are you not?
Mr Sneezeweed:
Indeed. ‘I’m saying nothing’ is what Señor Farrago said. I’ll say
plenty, if you wish.
Mr Mucklethwaite:
Why is he saying nothing? Does he not realise the gravity of his
alleged offence?
Mr Sneezeweed:
Indeed. But he is a Basque. The EU does not recognise the
Basque Country, so he does not recognise any court under EU
jurisdiction.
Mr Mucklethwaite:
Are we under EU jurisdiction?
Mr Sneezeweed:
Indeed we are.
Mr Mucklethwaite:
I wish someone would tell me these things. Let me ask you then,
Mr Sneezeweed, did Mr Farrago leave the concrete path, and, if
so, why?
Mr Sneezeweed:
Indeed, he did. He wished to sit upon the trig point. The trig
point is ten yards from the path. He believes that it is every fell-walker’s
duty to sit upon the trig point, if there is one. Señor
Farrago has travelled all the way from San Sebastian with the
specific aim of sitting upon as many trig points as he can in his
fortnight’s holiday. You cannot say that you have conquered a
mountain unless you sit upon its trig point.
Mr Mucklethwaite:
Very true. But why does the path not lead to the trig point?
Mr Sneezeweed:
Indeed, a wise question. It seems to be because the authorities
thought it better to follow the line of the Roman path.
Mr Mucklethwaite:
Did the Romans not wish to sit upon the trig point?
Mr Sneezeweed:
Indeed not. There was no trig point then.
Mr Mucklethwaite:
Really? Well, I think I have heard enough of this absurd case.
If it is within my power, I order the authorities to extend the
concrete path to the trig point immediately, and in the meantime
Mr Farrago is bound over to keep the peace.
Mr Sneezeweed:
That hardly seems necessary.
Photos:
Frederico Farrago.
The Calle Alto
trig point.
Comments:
• This case
may be referring to the controversial path built on the line of the
Roman road on High Street in 2008.
• Is that really Señor Farrago?
I think you've just copied that off the web without checking carefully.
The website I found says that "Farrago is a new name on the Belgian techno scene"
(whatever that is).
Mind you, this Farrago does look like he will say nada.
Ramblings
Saunterings
© John Self, Drakkar Press, 2024-
Top photo: Rainbow over Kisdon in Swaledale;
Bottom photo: Ullswater