Ramblings
Saunterings
Ramblings: about North-West England
Ramblings is a set of articles about North-West England, of unknown authorship and
indeterminate date, believed to have been written for amusement on rainy days,
which are not unknown in North-West England.
30. Many Happy Returns to Bassenthwaite
“Nearly there, at last. Soon we’ll have to make our big decision,
my turtle dove”.
“I’ve told you: I’ve already made it. I’m not going there again.
And I’m not your turtle dove”.
“But why? What’s wrong with the old place? They always look
after it so well for us. Any spot of damage in the winter and they’re
up straightaway to repair it”.
“Typical. You’re just too lazy to repair it yourself, like all the
others do”.
“But they’ll be so disappointed. They look forward so much to
us turning up”.
“That’s their problem. They should have better things to do”.
“But my previous bird liked the place. Seven years in a row we
went there. Never a peep of complaint from her”.
“Your previous bird can get stuffed. I make the decisions now.
And I’m not going there again”.
“But it’s always so tidy. All mod cons. Lovely view. Why don’t
you like it?”
“Well, for a start, I don’t like all the cameras. No privacy at all.
Every second of the day they’re watching and analysing everything
I do. It gets on my nerves”.
“Oh, come on, you’re exaggerating”.
“It’s all right for you. You’re off gallivanting about most of the
time”.
“Hardly gallivanting. I keep you well supplied, don’t I? Anyway,
that’s part of the deal: they look after us and we entertain them”.
“You can entertain them if you like. I’ve got more important
things to do”.
“Well, I enjoy it. Do you remember that time when I circled
round and round them so much that they became too dizzy to
stand?”
“Yes, served them right”.
“And last year when I ‘accidentally’ dropped that trout on
them?”
“Even better”.
“Anyway, I can see the place coming up now. So, what are we
going to do?”
“Well, I’m not going there, that’s for sure”.
“OK, then, if you insist. You’re the boss. On to Scotland it is”.
“Scotland? Who said anything about Scotland? There’s too
many of us up there already. I’d rather be somewhere near here,
on our own. Quiet and peaceful”.
“Ah. Well, in that case, how about a starter home on the other
side of the lake?”
“Starter home?”
“Yes, they built a few of them last year, hoping to attract some
first-time fliers”.
“What? Aren’t we good enough for them? What a cheek! I’ve a
good mind to teach them a lesson”.
“How do you mean?”
“Well, let’s go to the old place and get them all a-twitching. And
while they’re dashing about with their binoculars and cameras, we
can sneak off in the dark to one of the new places. Then we can
have weeks of fun watching them getting in a muddle, trying to
find out where we’ve gone, working out how to put up some new
cameras, making new viewing points, and all that palaver”.
“And I can still drop trout on them?”
“Certainly. And next year we can do it all again, and the year
after, and so on”.
Photo:
Osprey observation point.
Comments:
• I assume that with this flight of fancy
you are referring to the return of the osprey to the Lake
District in the 2000s when people came in large numbers
to see the single pair of ospreys nesting by Bassenthwaite.
• Being an expert ornithologist I would like
to politely point out that osprey pairs do not return together.
• I'm no expert but I believe they don’t talk to one another either.
Ramblings
Saunterings
© John Self, Drakkar Press, 2024-
Top photo: Rainbow over Kisdon in Swaledale;
Bottom photo: Ullswater